Dienstag, 9. Dezember 2008

i am the walrus!

i think my host mum is mad at me.

this is completely and totally unreasonable. she said eighty million times that she's tired (I imagine having a stir-crazy eighteen-year-old stuck at home might have contributed to that), that's she's exhausted, etc. Which is a good reason that we wouldn't be speaking as much as usual, today. But still, I'm worried she's angry. That I'm wearing a skirt. That I've pretty much decided to drop French (even though she doesn't know that yet). And I wonder what she's wondering. I wonder that a lot, actually-- why someone would actually want to have a student who didn't speak German when there are quite a few who... can. Some sort of allure in teaching them, I suppose.

I am having one of those amazingly low self-confidence days. My voice is feeling pretty sad as of late, and apparently most of the six pounds I've gained (I finally weighed myself...) is manifesting itself in my cheeks. And I wore a skirt today and instead of feeling like Katie, I felt silly-- flamboyant with my blue legs and pink bag. This is an awkward feeling. I'm not used to this, not at all.

I am home for another hour or so and then it is time for language class. i think i must my clarinet practice-- the concert is thursday, and we've decided to play the silly song in another (really impossible) key for the clarinet.


1 Kommentar:

margot hat gesagt…

dear katie,

feel better soon! we all have those days. and if all else fails, think about how nice it'll be later to look back and realize that you made it through.

i, too, have times where i feel a little lost. i feel like i'm not sure of who i am anymore. this happens especially when i realize i'm not enjoying something that i do at home, or that i've changed. but then i think about how i've grown as a person, too, in really small ways. i can ride a bus now, and i know how the straßenbahn works. i've become more independent, and i've learned to laugh at my mistakes. so it goes both ways -- i lose some things, i gain some.

hang in there!

liebe grüße